Im missing her. I have her back and then she has to leave.

Shes a pretty fantastic women that still makes me nervous when I see her. Im digging her more than I ever have. We might have our problems right now but Im not to worried since most of those problems dont pretain to our personal relationship as much as the situations around it right now.

Today I rode to try to get her absence off of my mind; it hardly dented my emotional detachment.

I love this women, I really do.

Its a new life; a goose life.

Its no longer the man who relied on someone; its the man who relies on no one.

Im here and Im here to stay.

Tha Goose Man lives, and the Adam dies.

I had another bad dream about her.

Ive been doing so well; I havent talken to her in a week. I miss her so much that Im having physical pains in my chest.

I am such a fucking pussy. I hate my fucking self. Im at an all time low. 5 in the morning and Im awake.

She gave a box of my stuff to my dad and stepmom to give to me. Does she realize how much that hurts?

Why cant I stay over this for more than a goddamn week? This is so fucking fustrating.

I want to give her time to feel better about me. I can give her all of the time in the world if she will give me the rest of the time in her life.

I cleaned my car for her. I even took my bike out for her. but she stood me up. Even after all of my careful planning for the most perfect date imaginable. Not the first time but most likely the last, as I now know that her love has past.

Shes broken my heart, and torn me apart. And has me writing in rhyme at a miserable time.

So now I must go, and follow the flow, but first you should know. . . . . its goose. Death to the Zebra.

Good day and goodnight

           Goose

Friends; I have better ones than I had once believed. My friends were there for me when I cried. They help me out when I needed it. This means more to me than I can dare to say.

Zack even let me ride his bike. To many this may seem like nothing, but to me, it was the best thing a friends could ever do. He knew that I was down and that I needed to ride a bike.

They bought me beer and alchol. I needed it so bad I couldnt stand it.

Im a ninny, and I need my bike. I need it so I have something again.

The sky isnt the limit, its where you want to be.

Roll fast; ride hard.

Ride when you can, dream when you cant.

Roll fast; ride hard.

Grip the bars and go big.

Roll fast; ride hard.

Feel the pedals beneath your feet and know.

Roll fast; ride hard.

Know that everything is yours.

Roll fast; ride hard.

Dream of the flow.

Roll fast; ride hard.

Dream of the go.

Roll fast; ride hard.

Listen to the tires as you zoom.

Roll fast; ride hard.

Give it all that you got, or dont do it.

Roll fast; ride hard.

I miss my bike, I miss my riding. I miss the feel, I miss the speed. I miss the adrenaline, I miss the pain. I miss everything, and I miss my bike.

Roll fast; ride forever.

I just thought I would post some pictures of some of my new tools and my box. I also thought it fitting to show everyone why I needed the tools just to stay happy enough not to kill myself. Yes my rear wheel is completley distroyed. . . . . . I hate my life.

It may seem as though my entire life is falling apart; and in many ways it is, but I still have my bike. Today was a day of fantastic riding. It was a relief from everything around me. Today was a day of holding my bars and going for the gold. Tuck nohanders? easy. Turndowns? not even trying. Everything was pure amazingness. I still miss her, but my bike is keeping me alive, and at times, very happy.

Blindenss is an illness not reserved exlusively to those who cannot physicaly view the world around them. I have found that in life; all I see is dark. Subtle hints that were not so subtle never caught my attention. Honestly it would seem that I could almost declare myself mentally unstable for all that I have missed. Instead I claim blindness. Many of the items at hand; I feel I chose to leave unoticed. Sometimes it made my life easier not to notice; sometimes I was just far to ignorant; and others I should of been beaten into conciousness.

"I need time to think; time to breath; time to relax; time to make this out. . . . . "

I should probably just never stop riding my bike. . . it makes me happy.

Unmistakably, Im ruined. Like the Medic blood drive shirt your dad uses as a shop rag; I can no longer be worn and enjoyed. How did that shirt ever turn into a crappy rag; you ask? Well first off, it wasnt a nice shirt to begin with. Sure, you were proud of it enough, why shouldnt you be? But soon the appeal wore off. Eventhough you tried so despretley to find occasions to wear the shirt they were few and far in between. Then you retired your shirt to the back of your closet. In your mind there was no harm done; you didnt really like the shirt that much anyways, you had grown out of it, and grown apart. Not long after you forgot your shirt in your closet, a horrible even occured; your dad spilled a drink in the kitchen. Normally this would be a mundaine event solved quickly by the use of a few paper towels, but on this unfourtenate day, you were out. So what else was your dad suppose to clean the mess with? Before you new it, the shirt that you really enjoyed lived on the otherside of the house; stained and ruined for you. Luckily the distance made it easier on you. You only had to see the shirt once in every blue moon so there was hardly time for you to miss. You better watch out though, that shirt misses you more than you will ever know, and you dont want to loose the best shirt of you will ever own.

Sry for my crapiness and stupid stories, I do what I can to make myself happy.

Good day and Goodnight

Adam Clayton Haynes

Im just the guy that never tried

Im just the stupid fuck with brilliant luck

And sometimes a bright idea.

                                                       -Motian City Soundtrack

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------run-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------run harder--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------run faster-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------run away------------------------then walk backwards------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------slowly------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------dont make a sound-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------dont let them hear---------dont let them know that you are near--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------creep-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------crawl-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------slither-------------------------dont make a noise--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------dont breath-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------dont speak----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------dont make a noise-----------they are coming for you-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------the lost but not forgotten-----------------------------------------------now run--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------run away-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------far away----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------dont let your demons find you-------

Not many hobbies in life give me more enjoymant than riding. Just as my friend Roscoe said, when I ate lunch with him the other day. "Your the guy who rides bikes, works on cars, and is very polite." I dont know of the politness so much, but the riding and the cars are very true. Seeing as you can clearly understand my obession with cars by just scrolling down a bit, I would like to clarify my love for my little bike.

Riding my bike is a release.

A time to be alone.

A time to be with friends.

A time to contemplate.

A time to go numb.

A time for pain.

A time for joy.

A time for progression.

Progression in my riding.

Progression in my relationships.

Progression in my ability to withstand pain.

Progression in my understanding of myself.

Riding gives me happiness.

Riding gives me friendships.

Riding gives me time.

Riding gives me a life.

Riding gives me a release

Summary- Riding teaches more about myself than I can understand.

-Adam Clayton Haynes

Im an emo faggot and shes a beautiful women.

A cuddler

A provider

A shelter

A goddess

A women who deserves a better man than I have been

A women who can understand how much I hate myself for even writing like this.

A women who dosent know how she feels about me anymore

And a women I may lose forever.

Please dont delay,

It may all soon go away.

It will go so fast,

We wont know it past.

It will go on without us knowing,

If we dont start showing.

Showing we care,

And that I promise I can play fair.

I wanna look into your eyes,

And know no lies.

I want to tell you the story of my feelings

And let you know of my love.

Tell you of how your eyes are so beautiful,

And how your hand fits mine just like a glove.

Goodmorning, Goodafternoon, and Goodnight Michelle.

Love, Adam

Quick pause, nothing is said; akward silence fills the air. The horrible sound of not knowing what will be said next rings in their ears. Why or how it came to this; niether knows. Neither of them wanted this, and niether one can stand it. Its a subject that thrusts into their lifes, like a sudden bolt of lightning jumping from the sky. "Is this the end?" Niether one knows, but they both wish the same. The wish that life could be normal again. They both miss it; the being together. It worked so well that he cant help but hate himself for breaking it off for all the dumbest reasons. Why didnt they work it out before hand? Before all of it went to hell? He could never be mad at her after he spoke to her, and he will never be able to forget about her. If this is the end, then it is his armogedan. Its to soon for this, because it should of never happened, he isnt ready to lose her.

Sometimes space is needed. I need my space to relax, to think, and to be myself for myself.

I found out that I enjoy riding my bike. . . . just to ride my bike. Although I do love tricks; I find it relaxing to ride around without a worry. Theres something that is so relaxing about riding around at full speed trying to dodge faster moving traffic.

I know that I had orginally made this blog to infect other minds with my beliefs in cars, but I believe that this is just turing into a blog that I really dont have to worry about anyone reading. Im enjoying this.

I met a cool girl at a bike shop. She wasnt the most attractive women physicaly but she seemed much more intelligent than the women I have been talking to, I think I like her. . . . . and I still thought she was really cute.

I need to find a more intelligent women. I am missing having an actual conversation with someone of the opposite sex.